filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
