i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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