Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas