I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.