**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety