shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me