I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
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