So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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