I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
