If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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