i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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