At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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