exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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