can we get nightvision for the apartment?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
