Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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