Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
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his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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