i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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