so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I hope mine doesn't look like that
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
