he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I need to sanitize my soul.
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I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
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It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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