Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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