She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
