When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize