No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
