my mouth tastes like poor choices
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
