He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
