I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
