If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
