he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
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The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
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we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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