We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize