she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
