Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i love accidental penises.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
