I wish I could punch you in the face.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
