I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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