just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
