if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
