he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
