don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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