Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
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I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
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I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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