is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
