He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
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