I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
