Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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