Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
