Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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