I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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