Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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