Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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