i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
