Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize