I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I just gargled with NyQuil
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
