I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
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He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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