Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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