Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
