I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
