you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
