Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
