She said her name was "party"
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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