your thong is hanging out like whoa
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
