I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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