if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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