dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize