Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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