walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
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U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
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You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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